My Escape
by Leithriel
Summary: Gondolin has fallen. Most of the citizens have fled, hoping for a new life. For certain individuals, however, things are different. One seeks absolution, in spite of still remaining under Morgoth's influence. Two wish to forgive, but can't bring themselves to. Another one wonders what might have been. Two are mourning the lost friendship.
1. Apprentice

The camp was peaceful, as everyone was asleep. Everyone except Enerdhil, who was staring at the figure sprawled on the nearby bed. Enerdhil had a talent for smithcraft, and he was an apprentice to a skilled smith. He enjoyed his work, and he was delighted that he could make things of beauty, and weapons of war. His mentor was always patient, always tried to help Enerdhil. And Enerdhil admired him, both for this and for his skill. Then one day, he made a stone, which he called Elessar, and his mentor was proud. He told Enerdhil that it was just he beginning. And so Enerdhil threw himself into making more things with vigor. He absorbed every bit of useful advice like a sponge. He believed that his mentor was destined to make far greater things. This only made the eventual blow harder.

"You could have done great things, made great things." Enerdhil's voice was filled with bitterness as he addressed the unmoving figure on the bed "Why did you have to do that? Is this the life you've wanted? Not only did you throw away your life and your potential, but you severed your bond with us..."

-x-

"I know how it feels." Elhir, another one of Enerdhil's fellow apprentices, approached him in silence "You still admire him, but you can't forgive him either."

Enerdhil let out a noise of frustrated powerlessness.

"I can't...I can't be around him anymore." Enerdhil admitted "I can't take this."

"I understand." Elhir said, patting Enerdhil's back in an attempt to comfort him

"You were his apprentice too." Enerdhil's eyes met Elhir's

"We both lost him the moment he gave in and made that deal." Elhir said quietly "And I doubt the bond we shared with him will ever be restored."


	2. Absolution

It was Meleth's job to ready the new batch every day, because each dosage she made lasted that long, in order to avoid the threat of overdose. The mixture she made took a form of clear liquid. It was effective, and that was all that mattered. Pauses were allowed between each dosage, to prevent the body from shutting down completely. These pauses were four hours long, and during that time, he was allowed to move freely.

The allowed time was soon to expire, and Meleth added the final ingredient, before stirring the mixture carefully. The intended use of the mixture was to keep the consumer unconscious, not to kill him.

Once the process was complete, Meleth poured the clear liquid into a crude wooden cup, and left the tent.

Galdor, Maeglin and Egalmoth were sitting and talking to one another, just like they had in old days. Meleth felt a pang upon seeing them. She forced her hands to remain steady. It wouldn't do for her work to go to waste.

All three of them stood up, turning to her. The sun shone on them, and for a moment, all three resembled great Elves that they once were, him most of all. Meleth felt another pang of sorrow, but she quashed it. There was no time for sentimentality. She handed the cup to Galdor.

"He has to drink all of it, or it won't work." she told Galdor

Then she fled. Because if she stayed, she'd crumble.

It hurt to see someone's potential gone to waste like this.

-x-

Maeglin and Egalmoth watched as Meleth ran off. Then their attention shifted to the cup in Galdor's hands.

"How about the change of routine?" Egalmoth suggested "Don't you think it's time we started mending bridges, Lomion?"

"A good idea." Maeglin agreed

"Then let's go find Turgon." Galdor said

He walked ahead, holding the cup carefully. Egalmoth and Maeglin followed him.

-x-

He wanted release from his pain, release from guilt. He wanted absolution, despite knowing he might not get it anytime soon. The sun shone down on his hands, making them appear red. Red with blood that he had spilled, whether intentionally or unintentionally. And if this was the price to pay for getting it, he would do so without hesitation.

He stood before Turgon, trying his hardest to keep his body from shaking.

Maeglin and Egalmoth crossed the distance between themselves and Turgon, and each one leaned on his shoulder from opposite sides, their gazes imploring him to play along. So he did, wrapping an arm around them both.

Galdor stepped forth and handed him the cup, and he drank the contents quickly. Soon, the effects kicked in, and he felt his consciousness slipping. He got his release from guilt and pain, even though it was only temporary. Then he fell against Turgon's shoulder, unconscious.


	3. Lost in the Shadows

He sat in his tent, like usual, watching the horizon. He wished he could fly away, and never return. He was surrounded by people on a regular basis, yet he was all alone. No one could help him, not against this. He had witnessed the might of Melkor himself, and even now the Vala had a hold over his mind. He had no doubt that Melkor had placed him on the top of his hit-list after the people of Gondolin had managed to escape. And he knew that no one among the Golodhrim would try to save him if Morgoth were to sent his armies with the intent of capturing him the second time. And there would be no mercy for him should Morgoth succeed. He had destroyed his only sanctuary, by his own hands, and it was all for nothing.

Meleth and Egalmoth came often, and Meleth always brought the cup with her. He drank its content eagerly each time, hoping for some release from his pain, however brief it was. Meleth and Egalmoth regaled him with tales of ancient times while they waited for the mixture to take effect. Sometimes Turgon would come too, and he made him feel loved. It didn't last, for his demons were too strong to really vanquish. The best he could hope for were these moments of respite, of blissful nothingness. Of misguided tenderness. Turgon, Meleth and Egalmoth were the only ones who treated him with kindness. Everyone else saw the truth: that he didn't deserve any kindness.

True to his predictions, the attack came when they were halfway through. The enemy force consisted of Gothmog the Balrog, and one battalion of Orcs. It was one of the rare moments he was awake. He gripped the hilt of his broadsword, ready to leap into the fray. Gothmog sensed this and turned to look directly at him. One of the Orcs stepped forward, addressing them in lieu of Gothmog.

"There doesn't have to be any bloodshed." the Orc addressed Turgon "Just give us what we came for."

Then the same Orc looked at him.

"You feel it, don't you?" the Orc spoke "The pain...The guilt...You know that all those around you hate you. Surrender yourself, Eolion, and we can end thy suffering for good."

"That's not true." Meleth spoke in a firm voice "There are those who care for him too. Like me."

"Is it so?" the Orc spoke again, and his tone was light "You keep him comatose for a good portion of each day, and aren't you preparing a trial for him as soon as you reach the Havens of Sirion?"

"Turgon will be merciful." Meleth countered

"Is it not true that you were shunned by your own folk?" the Orc addressed him again

He paid Meleth no heed as he began to walk forward, as if he was in a trance. Then, Egalmoth and Enerdhil appeared between him and the Orcs, swords drawn.

"Let it not be said that we don't fight for one of our own." Egalmoth said passionately

"I can't forgive him." Enerdhil added "But in the memory of the past, I'll fight for him."

"Me too." Turgon had a fierce look in his eyes, as he stepped forward, Glamdring in hand

"You're not alone." Meleth whispered gently, placing her hand atop of his

And a lone tear rolled down his cheeks for the first time in weeks.

Then he looked up with steely determination.

"I'll fight too." he announced, stepping forward to stand beside Turgon "With my father's blade."

"Then you will regret not surrendering, whelp." the Orc growled "And Morgoth's hatred would follow you till the end of the world. He'll torture you until the end of time."

"That is, if you manage to capture him." Turgon said coldly

The battle had begun.


	4. Hidden Love, Hidden Pain

Tuor stood on the balcony, looking at the people milling about. This settlement was no Gondolin, but it was beautiful in its own way all the same. His wife joined him, and he turned his head to look at her.

"I am sorry..." he whispered "I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to kill him. Maybe if I could, none of this would have been necessary. I could have ended the suffering - both yours and his."

"Maybe it is better than you could not." Idril whispered "Meleth loved him since they were children, you know. She never stopped loving him, even though she knew he didn't love her."

"And she might be separated from him for good, regardless of the circumstances." Tuor reasoned

"Maybe." Idril allowed "Everything would depend on the outcome of the trial."

"And there are some others who were close to him as well." Tuor mused "Enerdhil, Erhil, Galdor, Egalmoth, and even Turgon himself. I wonder what are their feelings regarding this."

"Father would preside on the trial." Idril said "As for Enerdhil and Erhil, they've agreed to act as witnesses for the persecution."

"That's suprising." Tuor contemplated this

"Apparently, they can't forgive him." Idril explained

-x-

Maeglin hammered, bending the metal into his desired shape, occasionally wiping the sweat from his brow. It served to take his mind off things.

_"You cannot escape." the voice in his head said "No matter where you hide, I'll find you and I'll make you wish you have never been born. You're mine._

Maeglin continued his work, trying to block it.

_"You want absolution for your sins." the voice continued "And that is one thing you'll never have. You'll only find death, either by hands of your fellow Noldor, or by my hands. And if I get my hands of you, I'll make it slow and painful. The best thing you can hope for is that they kill you before I find you."_

"Maeglin?" a voice spoke softly

Meleth stood at the doorway, giving him a concerned look.

"I can make another." she offered "They are not necessary anymore, but I can, if you want it."

Maeglin just nodded and got back to work.

"You can come with me if you want." Meleth added

"Just let me get changed first." Maeglin said, and ventured into adjacent room, where he put on a spare tunic.

The two of them crossed the plaza, and entered Meleth's quarters. She had everything she needed for her job as a nurse there.

Maeglin provided her with the ingredients she had requested, and she blended them together, until she made the clear liquid he was familiar with.

"I still hear Morgoth's voice in my head." Maeglin confessed "I am his thrall, until the end of the world. He said he'll find me and that he'll kill me slowly, unless Turgon kills me first. He blames me for his failure to wipe out Turgon's descendants."

He picked up the cup and downed its contents, as Meleth watched him.

"That's not going to happen, not so long as I am around." Meleth said "I've loved you since we were kids. I watched you pine after Idril, and how she rejected you each time, and how I pined for you, even though your heart could never turn to me. You sought light, light you've never had, and I wanted to be your light badly. I envied Idril, for she held your love, even though she never wanted it."

"Things have changed." Maeglin sighed "When Tuor spared me, in spite of everything I've done, the deaths I have wrought, I knew I had to get rid of my tainted love for his wife. You made me see a way out for the first time. You made me see how to find absolution. If I survive this, I'll grant you your wish."

"Then I'll make sure you won't die. I will take part in the trial, and I'll fight Morgoth for your life should it come to that." Meleth promised

Their first kiss was brief, but significant all the same.


End file.
